Being unfriended or unfollowed on social media can be painful for many people. In today’s digital age, our online social connections have become very important. Social media allows us to stay in touch with friends, family, acquaintances, and even people we’ve never met in real life. So when someone decides to cut that digital tie by unfriending or unfollowing us, it can feel like rejection.
Why Do People Unfriend Others Online?
There are many reasons why someone might decide to unfriend or unfollow another person online:
- The relationship has changed. Maybe you’ve grown apart from a friend or had a falling out with someone.
- You don’t interact much anymore. If you never like or comment on someone’s posts, they may remove you.
- Too much information sharing. Some people unfriend connections who overshare personal details.
- Political differences. In today’s polarized climate, some prune social circles over political disagreements.
- Drama and negativity. To avoid toxic people and interactions, some do a “social media cleanse.”
- Overwhelming updates. If someone posts too frequently, others may unfollow just to declutter their feed.
- Embarrassing associations. Some unfriend connections after embarrassing or inappropriate posts to distance themselves.
So in many cases, being unfriended is not completely personal, but rather a reflection of changing interests and priorities. However, it can still be painful when it happens.
Why Does It Hurt to Be Unfriended?
Even when the reasons are practical, being unfriended can cause emotional pain for several reasons:
It Damages Self-Esteem
Being unfriended can make people feel rejected and hurt their self-esteem. It can leave them wondering, “why don’t they want to be friends with me anymore?” If someone repeatedly gets dumped from people’s social media circles, it can reinforce negative beliefs about themselves.
It Causes a Sense of Social Rejection
Humans have a fundamental need to belong. So social rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. Just as we need food and water to survive, we need a network of social connections. Having people frequently unfriend or unfollow us makes our social standing feel more uncertain.
It Removes a Source of Social Validation
Likes and positive interactions on social media give people a sense of validation. So when someone cuts off contact by unfriending us, that social validation disappears too. This can make people feel socially disconnected.
It Causes FOMO
Getting unfriended means losing access to that person’s social media updates. This can lead to fear of missing out (FOMO) on what’s going on in their life, along with the lives of mutual friends. Even if the connection was weak, it still provided a window into their world.
It Means Losing Shared Memories
Social media often serves as a collective scrapbook capturing life events and shared memories with friends. Getting unfriended erases access to those memories, including photos, posts, and other interactions. This can make the friendship seem less real or meaningful.
Coping With Being Unfriended
If you’ve been unfriended, there are some healthy ways to cope:
Reflect On the Reasons
Consider if you did anything to damage the relationship or cross normal social boundaries. If so, use it as a learning experience for how to interact better online and in real life.
Limit Obsessing
It’s normal to feel a bit hurt, but avoid endlessly obsessing over being deleted by someone. Stalking their profiles for clues will only make you feel worse.
Put It in Perspective
Online friendships offer limited intimacy compared to in-person ones. Unless it’s a close real-life friend, try not to take an unfriending too personally.
Focus on Real Relationships
Redirect energy towards nurturing meaningful real-life friendships, not superficial online ones. Social media has its benefits, but real bonds need ongoing nourishment.
Take a Social Media Break
Consider unplugging from social media temporarily if it’s dragging down your mood and self-image. Reallocating that time towards self-care can improve wellbeing.
Practice Self-Compassion
Rather than judging yourself harshly, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Being unfriended is not a reflection of your worth as a person.
Seek Support From Loved Ones
Turn to close friends and family for comfort if being unfriended on social media is really distressing. Their support can boost confidence and resilience.
When Unfriending May Be Necessary
In some cases, it may be necessary for your own wellbeing to unfriend or block someone. Reasons can include:
- Toxic, abusive or manipulative behavior
- Excessive drama
- Hate speech or trolling
- Bullying and harassment
- Unhealthy obsession/stalking
- Compulsive lying
- Misinformation and fake news spreading
If someone is negatively impacting your mental health, don’t hesitate to cut them off on social platforms. But avoid reflexively unfriending people over minor annoyances and disagreements. Try communicating first and preserving positive connections.
Maintaining Healthy Social Media Friendships
To avoid getting unfriended in the first place, be mindful of how you use social media:
- Don’t post too much personal or controversial content
- Avoid negative posts and venting excessively
- Interact with friends by commenting and liking
- Respect others’ differing opinions
- Limit posts unrelated to the recipient’s interests
- Take breaks from social media if needed
Nurture real friendships, not just digital ones. And evaluate your motivations when connecting online. Seeking social validation from superficial friends often leads to disappointment. Focus on mutual care and support in relationships.
The Takeaway
Being unfriended or unfollowed on social media can cause hurt feelings and low self-esteem due to feelings of rejection and loss of social standing. But avoid taking it as a reflection of your self-worth. An unfriending often says more about the other person or changing circumstances. To cope healthily, lean on true friends for support, take a social media break, or reassess your online behavior if needed. With some perspective, you can move forward with confidence in yourself and real connections.