A pending relationship refers to a romantic connection between two people that is not yet formally established as an official partnership. It exists in a gray area between dating and being in a committed relationship. Some key characteristics of a pending relationship include:
- The couple is still getting to know each other and determining compatibility
- Exclusivity has not yet been agreed upon
- The future of the relationship is undetermined
- The level of commitment is still evolving
A pending relationship is often a transitional phase between casually dating and being boyfriend/girlfriend. There are no clear boundaries or expectations. One or both people may be keeping their options open and dating others. The direction it will go depends on how things progress after spending more time together.
Why Do Pending Relationships Occur?
There are several common reasons why a pending relationship status occurs:
Taking Things Slow
Some people prefer to take the getting-to-know-you process slowly. They may want to establish a friendship first or ensure there is physical/emotional chemistry before fully committing. By keeping things casual at first, it allows time to see if the connection has long-term potential before making it “official.”
Coming Out of Other Relationships
If one or both people just ended a previous relationship, they may not be ready to fully commit to someone new right away. A pending partnership allows them to start moving on while protecting their emotions. Exclusivity comes later after trust builds.
Long-Distance
Long-distance relationships often begin pending. When dating someone online or living in separate cities, it takes longer to get to know them. People want to meet in person and spend quality time together before deciding to be official.
Personal Issues
An individual’s personal problems can delay a commitment. Things like unresolved past relationships, career uncertainty, family issues, or mental health challenges may inhibit them from defining the relationship. They need time to work on themselves first.
Incompatible Relationship Goals
Sometimes one person is ready for an exclusive commitment while the other wants to keep dating around. This mismatch of relationship goals will cause the status to remain pending. Compromise is required to get on the same page about the future.
Signs It May Be a Pending Relationship
Wondering if your relationship status is considered pending? Here are some key signs:
- You’ve gone on several dates but have not had “the talk” yet
- You see each other, but one or both of you still uses dating apps
- Your friend/family interactions are limited
- You have not met each other’s families and close friends yet
- You have not posted about each other publicly on social media
- You don’t call each other boyfriend/girlfriend
- Your future plans together are vague
- You aren’t fully comfortable trusting them yet
- You aren’t integrated into each other’s lives
If these describe your current situation, your partnership is likely still pending. The level of exclusivity has not been defined and your commitment status remains in limbo.
The Upsides of Pending Relationships
There are advantages to letting a relationship evolve gradually out of a pending status, including:
No Pressure
You can focus on getting to know each other at a comfortable pace without the pressure or expectations of a defined commitment. It allows feelings to develop organically.
Time to Assess Compatibility
Pending relationships give you adequate time with each other in different settings. You can observe how you communicate, resolve conflicts, and share values before deciding if you are a good match.
Personal Space
Since there is no expectation of full commitment, both individuals have breathing room to maintain their own interests and friend groups outside the relationship. The bond can strengthen gradually.
Trial Period
Consider a pending relationship a trial run. You have the chance to identify any red flags or incompatibilities early on before getting emotionally invested. It helps prevent committing to the wrong person.
Fun and Lighthearted
The early stages of dating are often exciting and fun. Pending relationships allow you to prolong this lighthearted honeymoon phase instead of rushing into serious coupledom.
The Downsides of Pending Relationships
Despite the perks, there are also some potential disadvantages to remaining in relationship limbo:
Uncertainty
Not knowing where you stand or how the other person truly feels about you can stir up anxiety and constant questions. The lack of defined expectations may lead to confusion.
Insecurity and Jealousy
Since exclusivity has not been established, some jealousy can emerge when a pending partner continues dating activities. You may frequently speculate about their other relationships.
No Commitment
When commitment is absent, some people use a pending situationship as a placeholder until they meet someone they like better. This can lead to abrupt endings. Defining the terms would offer more security.
Mixed Signals
The gray area of pending relationships often involves mixed signals. One day they act into you, the next they seem distant. This hot/cold dynamic can be emotionally exhausting.
Stuck in Limbo
If both people are too afraid to define the relationship, you may waste months stuck in limbo. Letting things remain pending indefinitely prevents progressing to the next level.
Compromise and Understanding Are Key
If one person desires greater commitment but the other needs more time, compromise is required to align your needs. Candid communication and empathy can help you navigate a pending partnership.
How to Move From Pending to Official
Ready to shift your situationship to an official relationship? Here are some tips:
Initiate “The Talk”
Sit down and have an open, honest dialogue about your relationship. Share your feelings and ask if they are ready for more commitment. See if you are on the same page.
Agree to Exclusivity
Have a clear conversation about becoming exclusive if you both want to commit further. Determine boundaries and expectations moving forward.
Spend Quality Time Together
Plan thoughtful dates focusing on emotional connection, not just physical intimacy. Quality bonding fuels commitment.
Meet Important People
Take your bond to the next level by meeting each other’s families, friends, and coworkers. Integrate your lives more fully.
Make Future Plans
Discuss shared goals for the future like travelling together, moving in, or adopting a pet. Planning ahead reinforces mutual investment in the relationship.
Display Public Affection
Hold hands, share affectionate social media posts, and call each other romantic pet names. Match your actions to your committed relationship status.
Trust Your Instincts
If efforts to progress the relationship are one-sided or your needs remain unaligned, pay attention to your gut. Don’t commit unless it feels right.
Conclusion
Pending relationships are complicated middle ground between casual dating and committed partnerships. While the unclear status can be confusing, it offers benefits like more time to assess compatibility before commitment. To graduate a pending situationship into an official relationship, initiate open communication, align on boundaries, integrate your lives more fully, and make future plans. If both parties are enthusiastic about committing further, you can transition successfully into a defined relationship. However, if major doubts or red flags remain, it may be wiser to pump the brakes. Trust your instincts. With mutual care, patience and understanding, pending relationships can evolve into something beautiful and lasting over time.