When you send a friend request on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc and instead of getting accepted, it says “message”, it typically means the recipient has their settings configured so that friend requests require an accompanying message before they will accept it.
Many users enable this setting as a way to filter out spam or fake account requests, and to get a sense of who the request is coming from before deciding whether to approve it or not. So rather than automatically adding anyone who sends them a request, they want some context on the person and reason for connecting.
Why People Use the “Require Message” Setting
There are a few key reasons why someone may enable the setting to require a message with friend requests:
To Avoid Spam/Fake Accounts
By requiring a personal message, it helps prevent fake accounts or spammers from sending them a automated friend requests. Spammers typically won’t take the time to personalize a message, so this stops those kinds of requests.
To Maintain Privacy
For privacy reasons, some users don’t accept requests if they don’t know the person trying to add them. Asking for a message gives them context on how the person knows them or why they want to connect.
To Refresh Acquaintances
If it’s been a long time since interacting with someone, the message helps remind them of who the person is or where they know them from. This is common among old classmates, co-workers etc.
To Filter Unwanted Requests
Requiring a message enables users to filter our requests they don’t want to accept, even if they know the person. For example, someone they don’t like or had a falling out with.
What to Include in Your Friend Request Message
When you encounter the “message required” prompt after sending a friend request, the most important thing is to include a personalized message explaining who you are and why you want to connect. Here are some tips:
Mention How You Know Them
Start by jogging their memory on where they know you from. For example, “Hi, we went to high school together” or “We used to work at Company X”. This immediate context helps them place you.
Share Any Key Details
If there are any useful details about how you know each other, include that too. For instance, “We were in the same art class senior year” or “You were my account manager at my previous job”.
Explain Why You’re Reconnecting
Give a friendly explanation of why you want to connect now and on that platform. Such as reconnecting with old friends, keeping in touch after switching jobs, or just expanding your social networks.
Keep it Casual and Personal
You want your message to sound casual and conversational, like you are reintroducing yourself in person. Share a memory or inside joke if you have one, and just be personable.
Avoid Generic Messages
Stuff like “Hey, I’d love to connect!” or “I wanted to add you” come off impersonal. The message should demonstrate you actually know them in some capacity.
Examples of Good Friend Request Messages
To make it easier, here are some examples of effective friend request messages to send when you get the “message required” prompt:
Old Classmate
“Hey Sarah, it’s John from high school physics class! We had some good times doing those bottle rocket projects haha. Would love to reconnect on here and see what you’ve been up to all these years.”
Past Colleague
“Hi Amanda, it’s Matt from Acme Co. I just started a new role at another company and wanted to stay connected on social media. Hope you’ve been doing great since our Acme days!”
Distance Relative
“Hey cousin Mike, it’s Nicole! We haven’t seen each other since that big family reunion years ago. I came across your profile and thought it would be nice to connect again virtually and stay updated on each other’s lives.”
Old Neighbor
“Hey Megan, I just saw your profile pop up as a suggested friend! Not sure if you remember me, but we used to be neighbors on Oak Street years ago before I moved. Would be great to catch up if you’re open to connecting here!”
Following Up if They Don’t Accept
Even after sending a friendly message, there’s a chance your request may still not get accepted right away. At that point you have a few options:
Send a Reminder Message
Wait a week or so and send a polite follow up, gently reminding them of your original request. Keep it casual.
Connect on Another Platform
You may have better luck reaching out and connecting with them first on a different social network or channel before looping back.
Ask for an Alternative
Reply to your original message and ask if they’d prefer to connect in another way, like over email or phone instead.
Respect their Decision
Ultimately, you have to be okay if the person declines or ignores your request and message. Do not bombard them with repeated messages.
When is it Okay to Send a Friend Request Without a Message?
While most people requesting to connect will expect a personalized message, there are some cases where it may be fine to send one without:
The Person is a Close Friend
If you are very close friends with someone, have seen them recently, and are connected on other social networks, a message may not be necessary. But use discretion.
It’s a Professional Networking Site
On sites designed specifically for career networking like LinkedIn, brief connection requests may be more common and acceptable.
You Recently Met the Person
If you just met someone in person and exchanged social media info, you can likely send them a request without needing to remind them who you are.
They Explicitly Asked You To
If someone directly tells you to send them a friend request or follow them on a certain platform, you can do so without a message.
Conclusion
Receiving a “message required” notification after sending a friend request is the recipient’s way of filtering requests and keeping their social media connections relevant. The best move is to oblige and craft a friendly personal message, identifying yourself and your reasons for connecting. With the right approach, you can turn that message prompt into a chance to rekindle an old acquaintance.