Relationships can often be complicated. When someone says they are in a “complicated relationship,” it typically means the relationship does not fit into a conventional definition like “single,” “dating,” or “in a relationship.” There can be many reasons why a relationship status becomes complicated. Some common reasons include:
- One or both people are not ready to fully commit
- The relationship is undefined or casual
- There are external factors interfering like distance, family, or other commitments
- One person wants more commitment than the other
- An ex is still involved somehow
- There are trust issues or infidelity
A “complicated relationship” usually signifies some type of problem or uncertainty. The specifics depend on the situation, but in general it means the relationship has gone beyond just casually dating but has not reached the point of being an officially committed couple. There are aspects of the relationship that make it resist a simple definition.
Why Do People Say Their Relationship Status is Complicated?
There are several common reasons why someone may describe their relationship as complicated:
The relationship is undefined
Sometimes a relationship can develop from friendship or a casual situation without an explicit discussion about what the relationship is or where it is heading. The two people may care about each other and spend time together without labeling the relationship or making a formal commitment. These types of undefined relationships can seem complicated because there has been no clear agreement about expectations.
There are trust issues
Relationships require trust to be healthy. When significant trust issues exist, such as dishonesty, secrecy, or infidelity, it can seriously complicate a relationship. Rebuilding trust after it has been broken can be extremely difficult and make the relationship status unclear.
Long distance is involved
Long distance relationships always have an extra challenge. Even couples who are openly committed can struggle with the distance and find it complicates the status of their relationship. When long distance is involved, it can be easier to avoid serious conversations about the future.
Other commitments interfere
Commitments like school, work, or family obligations can sometimes take priority over a romantic relationship. If commitments are pulling focus and time away from nurturing the relationship, it can prevent the relationship from deepening and the status remains stuck in limbo.
Uneven feelings exist
Sometimes the two people involved have differing levels of feelings for each other. For example, one person may be falling in love while the other is still unsure about the relationship. This imbalance of emotions can make it very hard to get on the same page about the status.
An ex is still involved
When a former partner or ex is still around and involved in some way, it can definitely complicate things. This could be an ex still living with someone, co-parenting a child together, or even lingering feelings. An ex’s ongoing involvement can make it hard for a new relationship to flourish.
Timing is complicated
The timing of a relationship can play a big role in determining its status. Even great relationships can be poorly timed. If other life circumstances or factors related to timing make the relationship seem premature, the status may seem stuck in limbo.
Wanting different things
When two people want fundamentally different things out of a relationship, it can be extremely complicated. For example, if one person wants marriage and the other does not, it becomes difficult to advance the committed status. Differing life goals can complicate matters.
Signs a Relationship Status is Complicated
How can you tell if your own or someone else’s relationship status is considered complicated? Here are some key signs:
- The relationship developed casually without intent
- Conversations about the status or future are avoided
- There is confusion or vagueness when describing the relationship
- There are significant barriers like distance or family issues
- Trust has been broken or jealousy exists
- The relationship seems stalled and is not progressing
- Arguments happen frequently about the status
- One person desires more commitment than the other
- The relationship must be kept hidden from others
If the status evokes questions or uncertainty from either person involved, that is a clear sign the relationship fits into the complicated category. Disagreement about the status is also a red flag.
How to Navigate a Complicated Relationship
If you find yourself in a relationship that seems complicated, here are some tips to help navigate uncertainty:
Have an honest conversation
The most important thing is open and honest communication with the other person. Avoiding the awkward status conversations will only prolong the situation. Be vulnerable about how you feel and what you want to define the relationship.
Get clarity before advancing
Do not move forward or escalate your level of commitment until you have both gotten on the same page about the relationship. Clarity should come before progression.
Accept incompatibility
If after honest conversations you realize you ultimately want different things, accept this as soon as possible. Do not drag out a relationship that has reached a stalemate.
Let go of what you can’t control
Focus on what you can control – your own actions, reactions, and communications. You cannot control how the other person feels or the external barriers impacting the relationship.
Check your intentions
Be very clear with yourself about your motivations and intentions in the relationship. Make sure you are not stringing someone along or misleading them.
Set boundaries
Boundary setting is extremely important in a complicated status. Be clear about what you will and will not accept in the relationship. Stick to your standards.
Don’t wait and hope
Do not passively wait around hoping the relationship will progress or the other person will change their mind. Take action to move the relationship forward or consider ending it.
Imagine life without them
Envision what your life would look and feel like without this person or relationship. If you feel relief, that is very informative. If you can’t imagine losing them, it is a sign to fight for the relationship.
Seek outside advice
It can be invaluable to seek out wise advice from a therapist, dating coach, or trusted friend. They may provide perspective and discernment.
Navigating uncertainty requires courage, honesty, boundaries, and sometimes sacrifice. With open communication, self-awareness, and patience, complex relationship statuses can sometimes be overcome.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If your relationship feels complicated and ill-defined, here are some key questions to personally reflect on:
- How do I feel when I am with this person?
- Can I fully be myself in this relationship?
- What are my core needs and are they being met?
- What do I want from this relationship in the future?
- What expectations or standards do I have?
- What am I afraid of related to this relationship?
- If nothing ever changed, could I stay in this relationship happily?
- Is this relationship aligned with my life goals?
- Have I clearly communicated my wants/needs to my partner?
- Am I willing to let go of this relationship if needed?
Searching your own heart and motivations can provide much needed wisdom and direction. Understanding what you truly want and need from a relationship is very empowering.
External Factors That Complicate Relationship Statuses
While issues between the two people themselves often complicate relationship statuses, there are other external factors that can play a role as well:
| External Factor | How it Complicates the Relationship |
|---|---|
| Physical distance | Makes communication and quality time more difficult; harder to define status when not together regularly |
| Work obligations | Can take priority over relationship; careers pulling focus and energy away from each other |
| School commitments | Studies and activities take time away from nurturing the relationship |
| Children from previous relationships | Kids may make one or both people hesitant to commit; can be disagreement about how to blend families |
| Family opinions/expectations | Disapproval or unsolicited opinions from family make it hard to progress; trying to please family complicates matters |
| Financial constraints | Financial realities or difficulties can add challenges to committing fully; financial dependence complicates power dynamics |
| Mental health challenges | Untreated mental health conditions like depression or anxiety impact ability to have stable relationships; managing conditions takes priority |
| Physical health issues | Health struggles or disabilities can complicate logistics and timing of relationships |
| Legal problems | Outstanding legal issues like going through a divorce or bankruptcy make committing very difficult |
| Housing instability | Frequent moves or lack of permanent housing prevents roots from taking hold; living separately can stall progress |
| Cultural differences | Varying cultural backgrounds or norms can complicate mutual understanding and ability to commit |
As this table illustrates, external obstacles beyond just the couple themselves can greatly complicate and prevent relationships from becoming clearly defined. Patience and understanding is required to work through external barriers.
Signs it’s Time to Walk Away from a Complicated Relationship
If you have given a complicated relationship plenty of time and communication but you continue to feel unhappy and unsatisfied, it may be a sign it’s time to walk away, especially if:
- Your needs remain unmet after clearly communicating them
- You constantly feel anxious about where you stand
- Your partner avoids discussions about the future
- You want more commitment but the other person does not
- Trust has been broken and not repaired
- One or both of you have lied or been unfaithful
- You feel like you’re wasting your time waiting for things to change
- You are tolerating relationship dynamics you would not accept in a committed relationship
- The timing never seems right to progress the relationship
- You have different vision or values about relationships
- Being together brings more stress than happiness
At a certain point, if you are not getting what you need or you want fundamentally different things, it may be healthiest to move on. Love yourself enough to walk away when necessary.
How to Heal after Leaving a Complicated Relationship
Ending a complicated relationship that never quite got off the ground or fell apart can be very painful. Here are some tips for healing:
Let yourself grieve
It is normal and expected to grieve the loss of a relationship, no matter how complicated. Let yourself fully process the emotions rather than bottling them up.
Remove reminders and mementos
It will only slow down your healing to be surrounded by objects that remind you of the relationship. Gently pack away gifts, photos, or shared belongings.
Spend time with supportive loved ones
Lean on close family and friends who build you up. Their support and perspective can be so comforting during heartache.
Express your feelings creatively
Writing, art, music, poetry – find healthy creative outlets to express the emotions you need to release.
Forgive yourself and your former partner
Holding onto resentment or blame will only damage you further. Work on forgiveness – it is a gift you give yourself.
Learn from the experience
Once the grief lessens, reflect on insights gained. What did you learn about relationships and yourself that will help you moving forward?
Be patient with yourself
Heartbreak and disappointment cannot be rushed through. Allow plenty of time for your heart to mend at its own pace.
Seek therapeutic support
If you get stuck in depression or find it too hard to move forward, seek counselling to help gain healthy perspective.
Look for the gifts
Even relationships that don’t last can teach us and shape us. Appreciate the gifts of growth the experience brought you.
With gentleness, grace, and self-compassion, you can heal and eventually move forward stronger.
Healthy Mindsets for Future Relationships
Once you are fully healed, here are some healthy mindsets to have about future relationships:
- Accept that the right timing is crucial
- Release expectations about how new relationships “should” go
- Don’t ignore red flags or warning signs
- Be true to yourself – know your worth and needs
- Speak up clearly about what you want
- Set healthy boundaries and stick to them
- Realize difficulties will arise even in good relationships
- Keep an open heart but protect it as well
- Embrace moments and let go of unhelpful “what ifs”
- Stay grounded in self-love and self-confidence
The healthiest relationships are founded on genuine connection, mutual respect, trust, and good timing. With wisdom gained from past experiences, you are better equipped for relationships moving ahead. Focus on open communication, being fully present, speaking your truth, and remembering your worth.
Conclusion
A “complicated relationship status” is ambiguous and resisted labels for valid reasons. While messy or undefined relationships can teach us lessons, staying too long is unwise once it becomes clear the timing and circumstances cannot realistically change. We all deserve relationships where we feel secure, respected, supported, and steadily moving in a mutual direction. Walking away with grace frees up space for the right people and opportunities ahead. With self-compassion, courage, and wisdom, complicated relationships of the past transform us into who we need to become.