Is it normal to unfriend someone?

In the age of social media, unfriending has become a common occurrence. With just a click of a button, you can remove someone from your online social circle. But is this behavior normal? Should you feel bad about unfriending someone? Here is an in-depth look at the etiquette and psychology around unfriending.

What does it mean to unfriend someone?

Unfriending refers to removing someone from your friends or contacts list on a social media platform. For example, on Facebook you can unfriend someone to remove them from your newsfeed and prevent them from seeing your posts. On other sites like Instagram or Snapchat, unfriending prevents them from viewing your stories or posts. Essentially, unfriending cuts off an online connection with that person.

Why do people unfriend others online?

There are a few common reasons why someone may decide to unfriend another person online:

The relationship has ended – After a breakup, unfriending an ex can help both parties move on.
You no longer interact – If you haven’t actually interacted with the person in years, you may unfriend old acquaintances or friends you’ve lost touch with.
They post too much – Constant posts from that friend flood your feed, so you unfriend to limit their content.

They post offensive content – You may unfriend someone who shares offensive, insensitive or inappropriate posts.
You had an argument – A disagreement may lead to unfriending the person.
You don’t know them well – Some people accept friend requests from vague acquaintances and then unfriend them later.

They behave inappropriately – Harassment or unwanted advances can also prompt someone to unfriend.

Essentially, unfriending is a way to manage your online connections and curate the content you see on social media.

Is unfriending normal?

Unfriending has become very common online. In fact, a study from the University of Colorado Boulder found that unfriending on Facebook is on the rise: 60% of survey respondents said they unfriended someone in the last year. Additionally, 79% believed it was acceptable to unfriend someone for posting polarizing content.

Many social media users view unfriending as a normal way to curate their online friend circle and feed. It allows people to remove inactive connections, distance themselves after life changes, and avoid offensive content. For most, unfriending does not carry a strong social stigma anymore. It is seen as par for the course on social media.

When is it appropriate to unfriend someone?

Here are some appropriate situations in which unfriending may be warranted:

After ending a relationship, romantic or otherwise

When moving on from an old friendship that has run its course
When someone posts inflammatory, offensive or inappropriate content
When someone harasses you or makes you uncomfortable

When someone violates your privacy or shares your personal information
When someone spreads misinformation or conspiracy theories you find troubling
When you need distance from someone’s frequently negative or dramatic posts

The common thread is that unfriending is acceptable when maintaining the online friendship does more harm than good for your mental health and well-being.

Is it ever inappropriate to unfriend someone?

There are some situations where unfriending may be seen as inappropriate:

Over a minor disagreement – Unfriending someone in a moment of anger can seem petty.

Without explanation – Giving no context for removing a friend can seem callous.
As means of manipulation – Some unfriend to elicit a reaction, provoke jealousy, or play games.
When ignoring issues – Unfriending to avoid communicating can seem passive aggressive.

Based on social standing – Unfriending those deemed uncool can seem classist.

So while unfriending itself is not wrong, the context and delivery matter. It should ideally be handled maturely and compassionately to maintain respect.

Should you tell someone that you are unfriending them?

Whether you notify someone that they are being unfriended depends on the context:

In most cases, no notice is needed – For distant acquaintances or random connections, unfriending silently is perfectly acceptable.
Following a major disagreement – An explanation may help provide closure.
With close friends – It may be courteous to explain your decision to unfriend a real life friend.

If they harassed you – You have no obligation to notify someone of their removal in cases of harassment or abuse.

So consider the individual situation when deciding whether to reach out. In some cases, a notification can help smooth over hurt feelings and provide closure. But other times it is best to just remove them and move on.

What to say when unfriending someone

If you decide to explain your decision to unfriend, here are some thoughtful ways to phrase it:

“I wanted to let you know I’ll be unfriending you on [Facebook/Instagram/etc]. I wish you all the best, but I think some space will be good for both of us right now.”
“For my own mental health, I’ve decided to take a step back and unfriend some accounts – I hope you understand it’s not personal. Wishing you the absolute best going forward.”
“I’m attempting to reduce my social media use and unfollowing accounts that don’t align with my goals or values. I wish you the best, but will be unfriending you.”

“I have chosen to unfriend and block your account due to the harassment. Do not attempt to contact me on other platforms. Take care.”

The language recognizes the humanity in both parties while firmly asserting boundaries. This reduces guilt about unfriending and minimizes potential drama or retaliation.

How to cope with being unfriended

Being unfriended can feel isolating or upsetting, especially if it was done abruptly by a close friend. Here are some healthy tips for coping if it happens to you:

Reflect on why it may have occurred – Did your views align? Was there tension in the friendship? Consider what factors may have prompted their decision.
Resist retaliation – Unfriending back or reacting spitefully often makes the situation worse.
Give them space – Avoid reaching out demanding an explanation. Respect their boundaries.

Talk to other friends – Vent your feelings to trusted confidants to process the situation.
Focus on other relationships – Nurture other fulfilling friendships so this one unfriending doesn’t feel so isolating.

With time, the hurt will fade. And if the relationship mattered, you may reconnect down the road once tensions have eased.

Should you unfriend a partner during a breakup?

Unfriending an ex on social media during or after a breakup is very common:

93% unfriend or block their exes post-breakup according to research.
This is effective for moving on and avoiding unconscious monitoring of an ex’s activities online.

Immediately unfriending may seem reactive though – you can also just snooze or unfollow them.
Ideally, have a conversation before abruptly deleting them from social media.
Mutual respect can make unfriending less hurtful if discussed maturely.

So while unfriending an ex can be healthy, have an open dialogue whenever possible to preserve goodwill.

How unfriending affects friendships

Unfriending a real life friend can have ripple effects on the relationship:

Without the daily connections via social media, you may drift apart.

Seeing them less frequently via posts can make the friend seem more distant.
Out of sight, out of mind – shared memories and inside jokes will fade.
Major unfriending causes – disagreements, misaligned values – can permanently damage close friendships.

Subtly excluding them from online groups and events strains the relationship.

That said, unfriending is sometimes necessary for your own well-being. The key is communicating respectfully whenever feasible.

Can you be addicted to unfriending?

Compulsively unfriending people online could signal an unhealthy addiction:

Obsessively monitoring friends for minor reasons to unfriend is a red flag.
Deriving pleasure, excitement or control from rapidly deleting friends indicates a problem.
Using unfriending to isolate yourself from meaningful relationships is unhealthy.

Frequently cutting off friends over irrational triggers or misperceptions requires help.
Professional counseling is recommended if unfriending becomes compulsive.

Occasional digital spring cleaning of connections is normal. But if taken to extremes, speak to a doctor or therapist about social media addiction.

Unfriending etiquette tips

Here are some etiquette tips to keep in mind:

Do it subtly – Don’t make a dramatic post about unfriending someone.
No demands – Don’t tell others to unfriend someone; let them decide.

Discuss with caution – Avoid gossiping about someone you unfriended.
Keep it offline – If done offline, don’t raise it gratuitously in conversation.
Take the high road – Don’t insult them publicly even if privately unfriended.

Clean break – After unfriending, don’t lurk their profiles or ask others about them.

Being gracious and mature despite frustrations can maintain your dignity after unfriending.

Healthy approaches to online friendships

To develop a healthy mindset towards online friendships:

Reframe unfriending as curating your digital community, not rejecting people.
Avoid impulsively unfriending over minor issues.
Be judicious in who you accept friend requests from to avoid overloading your feeds.

Periodically audit your friend lists to remove inactive connections.
Prioritize real life friendships over collecting online friends.
If overly dependent on online networks, try expanding your real world social circle.

The goal is to take a mindful, intentional approach to social media friends rather than treating it as a popularity contest. Maintain perspective.

Conclusion

Unfriending someone online has gone from taboo to a regular practice for many social media users. While it was once deemed passive aggressive, it is now viewed as a standard way to curate your online connections. The key is doing so strategically and compassionately. Have honest conversations when feasible, prune friend lists thoughtfully, and don’t become too addicted to deleting friends. With a balanced, mature approach, unfriending can be a healthy digital detox choice.