Social media has become deeply intertwined in our lives, with platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat allowing us to constantly stay connected. However, some experts argue that social media, especially Facebook, may be detrimental to romantic relationships.
Facebook, founded in 2004, is the largest social networking site in the world with over 2.2 billion monthly active users as of Q2 2019. With so many people using Facebook to connect with friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and even romantic partners, it has changed the way we initiate, maintain and understand relationships.
While Facebook provides some benefits for relationships, such as allowing long distance couples to communicate and stay involved in each others’ lives, many experts argue it can negatively impact romantic relationships. Some of the potential issues Facebook introduces in relationships include:
- Facebook can lead to jealous and suspicious behavior if partners monitor each others’ activity.
- The ability to reconnect with exes and former romantic interests can cause jealousy.
- Partners may present an exaggerated or idealized image of themselves and their lives on Facebook.
- Arguments can start over interactions with other users on Facebook.
- Excessive Facebook use can take away from couple time spent together.
- Comparing one’s relationship to others seen on Facebook can reduce relationship satisfaction.
This article will dive into the research surrounding Facebook’s impact on romantic relationships and analyze both sides of the debate on whether it is overall beneficial or harmful for couples.
How Facebook Impacts Relationships
Facebook’s effects on relationships stem from the interactions it facilitates between romantic partners as well as interactions on the platform with people outside the relationship. Here are some of the key ways Facebook usage can affect couples:
Enhanced Communication
Facebook provides a channel for couples to communicate when they are apart through messaging, timeline posts, sharing links and more. This allows couples to stay up to date on each others’ lives and feel more connected when they are not physically together. Features like relationship status updates also let couples share their commitment to each other publicly. For long distance relationships, Facebook facilitates more frequent communication than would otherwise be possible.
Reconnecting With Exes
Facebook makes it easy to search for and reconnect with former romantic partners like ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-husbands, and ex-wives. Even if couples are not actively looking to connect with exes, Facebook’s “People You May Know” recommendations may suggest previous partners and flames. Coming into contact with exes on Facebook can provoke jealousy and insecurity for some individuals in relationships.
Monitoring and Jealous Surveillance
Partners who are distrustful may monitor each others’ Facebook activity and friendships closely for signs of impropriety or cheating, which breeds jealous and suspicious behavior. Both men and women engage in Facebook surveillance of their significant others, monitoring wall posts, photos, interactions and conversations. This spying behavior is linked to increased jealousy and insecurity in relationships.
Idealized Self-Presentation
The ability to carefully curate one’s image on Facebook can lead to idealized self-presentation that makes one partner feel insecure or inadequate in comparison. People tend to post their most attractive photos, share positive life updates, and portray an image as someone with many friends and fun activities. Partners may feel they cannot live up to the perfect version of their significant other displayed on Facebook.
Facebook-Related Conflict
Many couples argue about issues stemming from Facebook such as excessive use of the platform, questionable interactions with other users, inappropriate updates and photos, and violations of privacy and trust due to surveillance. Partners who cannot agree on appropriate Facebook behavior may continue to have conflicts about social media that damage the relationship.
Comparing One’s Own Relationship
Seeing peers and acquaintances portray seemingly perfect relationships on Facebook can lead people to feel their own relationship is inferior by comparison. However, research indicates people tend to portray their best selves and happiest moments on social media while leaving out arguments and challenges. Comparing a real, flawed relationship to ones seen through rose-colored Facebook glasses may decrease relationship happiness and satisfaction.
Less Shared Couple Time
Excessive Facebook use, especially when replacing other shared activities, detracts from the time couples spend enjoying experiences together. Partners who are distracted by Facebook rather than engaged in conversation and joint activities report lower relationship satisfaction. This issue may be particularly salient for couples living together.
Research on Facebook and Romantic Relationships
Academic researchers have investigated the impacts of Facebook on romantic relationship dynamics, both positive and negative. Here is an overview of key findings from studies on Facebook usage and relationships:
Facebook Surveillance and Jealousy
A 2013 study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking looked at Facebook surveillance and jealousy in romantic relationships. Researchers surveyed 308 adults currently in relationships about their Facebook privacy settings, surveillance of their partner on Facebook, relationship satisfaction, and jealousy-related feelings and behavior. They found:
- 38% of participants reported monitoring their partner’s Facebook activity at least once per day.
- Frequent surveillance of a romantic partner on Facebook was associated with greater jealousy and insecurity in the relationship.
- Partners who set their Facebook privacy settings to allow access only to friends or themselves reported higher relationship satisfaction and lower jealousy than those with more open privacy settings.
These results indicate jealous individuals are more likely to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity, and this surveillance is linked to negative relationship outcomes. Restricting Facebook privacy settings may limit opportunities for jealous snooping and enhance relationship security.
Facebook Self-Presentation and Insecurity
A 2011 study in Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking investigated how positive self-presentation on Facebook affects relationships. In a survey of 655 adult Facebook users involved in romantic relationships, researchers found:
- People who presented themselves more positively on Facebook thought their partners also presented an overly flattering view of themselves on Facebook.
- When participants viewed their partner’s positive Facebook self-presentations, they felt worse about themselves and the relationship.
- Individuals higher in Facebook surveillance behaviors were more likely to make negative social comparisons between themselves and their partner’s Facebook self-presentation.
These findings suggest that idealized self-presentation on Facebook can damage romantic relationships by provoking insecurity in partners who compare themselves negatively to the glowing image depicted online.
Problematic Facebook Use and Relationship Satisfaction
A 2016 study published in Psychology of Popular Media Culture looked at problematic Facebook use and how it impacts relationships. In a survey of 205 adults in committed romantic relationships, researchers found:
- Partners who struggled to control their Facebook use and were obsessed with the platform experienced more Facebook–related conflict with their significant other.
- Problematic Facebook use was associated with greater Facebook jealousy behaviors like constantly checking a partner’s account.
- Excessive Facebook use and addiction tendencies predicted lower relationship satisfaction.
This indicates partners who have trouble controlling their Facebook habits are prone to Facebook-related conflicts and jealousy, which harms their relationship happiness.
Benefits for Long Distance Couples
While Facebook presents challenges for many romantic relationships, research indicates it provides important benefits for long distance relationships. A 2011 study published in Applied Developmental Science surveyed 125 young adult college students in long distance and geographically close relationships. Researchers discovered:
- Long distance couples tended to use Facebook for relationship maintenance more than geographically close couples.
- Compared to close-proximity couples, long distance couples were more likely to publicly display their relationship on Facebook through announcements, shared photos and wall posts.
- Using Facebook to maintain the relationship was associated with greater satisfaction, especially for long distance couples who relied on it for communication.
This suggests Facebook facilitates enhanced communication and connectedness that helps long distance couples sustain intimacy and satisfaction in their relationships.
Potential Negative Effects of Facebook on Relationships
While research evidence shows mixed impacts of Facebook on relationships, some key negative effects consistently emerge. Here are some of the potential harms of Facebook usage for couples:
Jealousy and Suspicious Snooping
Facebook activities like frequently monitoring a partner’s friend list, wall posts, photos and conversations are linked to jealousy and suspicion. Spying on a partner’s Facebook account breeds distrust rather than security.
Unrealistic Social Comparisons
Viewing carefully curated depictions of partners and peers in flawless relationships may lead to unrealistic comparisons that reduce satisfaction with one’s own relationship.
Reconnecting With Past Partners
Exes and old flames looking to reconnect on Facebook can disrupt relationships and provoke jealousy if partners have unresolved feelings or unsettled history.
Frequent Arguments and Conflict
Clashes over Facebook use, surveillance, privacy, interacting with the opposite sex, and other issues can regularly ignite relationship conflicts.
Distraction From Quality Time
Preoccupation with Facebook can distract partners from quality conversation and shared activities key to nurturing intimacy and bonding.
Misrepresentations Breed Insecurity
Partners may feel inadequate or less attractive if they compare themselves to an idealized, exaggerated image their significant other displays on Facebook.
Potential Positive Impacts of Facebook on Relationships
Despite dangers, Facebook offers some potential upsides for couples as well. Here are a few of the possible benefits of Facebook for romantic relationships:
Staying Connected When Apart
Messaging, sharing photos and updates, and interacting via Facebook helps couples maintain their bond when they cannot be physically together, especially long distance partners.
Expressing Couple Identity
Posting about the relationship, sharing photos as a couple, and displaying one’s romantic partnership status publicly on Facebook allows couples to express their identity and commitment.
Enhanced Communication
Facebook provides a channel for couples to communicate frequently through messaging, wall posts, and sharing news about their lives via updates and links.
Rekindling Intimacy
Flirty messages, affectionate comments, and romantic content shared on Facebook can help keep intimacy alive between partners.
Event Planning and Reminders
Partners can coordinate events, make plans for dates, and remind one another of special occasions using Facebook features.
Improving Understanding
Getting to know a partner better by observing their Facebook network, interests, shared content and interactions can build closeness and understanding.
Tips for Facebook and Relationships
While Facebook presents some risks for relationships, there are also potential benefits. Couples can optimize their use of Facebook by keeping these tips in mind:
Discuss Boundaries
Talk to your partner about privacy settings, acceptable and unacceptable interactions, surveillance expectations, and other Facebook-related boundaries to avoid misunderstandings.
Limit Comparison
Focus on your own relationship’s strengths instead of idealized images from others on Facebook that do not represent reality.
Emphasize Shared Time
Make quality time together offline a priority over extensive Facebook use to nurture your romantic connection.
Post Mindfully
Avoid content that is overly flirty, idealized, or could make your partner feel jealous or insecure when they see it.
Balance Facebook and Face Time
When spending time together, leave Facebook behind to be present and engaged with each other in the moment.
Disclose Passwords
Mutually sharing Facebook passwords can reassure partners but also enable unhealthy snooping, so consider pros and cons.
Use Private Channels
Communicate affectionately and flirtatiously through private Facebook messages and texts instead of public posts.
Discuss Exes Tactfully
If an ex-partner contacts you on Facebook, be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing this with your significant other.
Monitor Motives
Consider your motivations before surveilling your partner’s Facebook activity, as spying breeds mistrust.
The Verdict on Facebook and Relationships
Research on Facebook’s impact on romantic relationship functioning has yielded mixed results. While findings point to some potential benefits, particularly for long distance couples, a number of studies link Facebook use to relationship conflicts, jealousy, unrealistic social comparisons, and problematic online surveillance in partnerships. Ultimately, Facebook itself may not doom a romantic relationship, but how partners choose to use it and let it influence their relationship dynamics can become unhealthy.
With mindful boundaries and conscientious usage, couples can optimize Facebook to enhance their relationship through connectedness when apart, expressing affection, event planning, and sharing positive news about their lives. However, excessive Facebook use, inappropriate self-presentation, connecting with past partners, compromising trust through surveillance, and making unfair comparisons can damage relationship quality and satisfaction. Partners who thoughtfully discuss expectations surrounding appropriate Facebook behavior and prioritize intimacy in their real lives are best positioned to garner benefits rather than harms from using social media.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does Facebook destroy relationships?
Facebook itself does not necessarily destroy relationships, but improper usage such as obsessive monitoring of a partner’s account, reconnecting with exes, and presenting an idealized self can certainly damage romantic bonds. With reasonable boundaries, Facebook can enhance relationships by facilitating communication when couples are apart.
Why do couples break up because of Facebook?
Some of the main reasons couples break up over Facebook issues are jealousy and snooping, excessive use displacing quality time together, idealized self-presentation breeding insecurities, inappropriate interactions and flirtations with others online, and violations of trust through surveillance and lack of transparency.
Can Facebook cause divorce?
Facebook itself does not directly cause divorce, however, inappropriate use by either spouse such as connecting with past partners, marital infidelity enabled through secret Facebook interactions, obsessive monitoring and distrust between partners, and excessive use damaging intimacy can contribute to marriage problems that ultimately lead to divorce.
Is it good for couples to have joint Facebook accounts?
For some couples, having a joint Facebook account they both share and can post from fosters openness, transparency, and closeness. However, for partners with individual social lives and networks, a shared account may be restrictive and undermine personal autonomy. Joint accounts work best when both partners enthusiastically consent.
Should couples follow each other on Facebook?
Following each other allows couples to stay up-to-date on each other’s lives through Facebook. However, compulsively monitoring a partner’s every interaction promotes distrust rather than intimacy. Partners should discuss boundaries and aim to strike a balance between connectedness and surveillance.
Conclusion
While excessive Facebook use and inappropriate interactions can certainly undermine romantic relationships, partners who establish constructive boundaries and use Facebook as a supplemental communication tool focused on enhancing closeness may derive benefits. At its best, Facebook provides a channel for couples to feel connected, express affection, coordinate joint plans, and share positive updates when physically separated. However, when Facebook fuels unrealistic social comparisons, jealousy, surveillance, arguments, and distraction from quality time together, its impact clearly becomes detrimental.
Ultimately, the effects of Facebook on romantic relationship health depend on how couples integrate it into their bonding and communication. With self-awareness, balance, discretion and mutual consent regarding appropriate use, Facebook has the potential to enrich rather than jeopardize intimate partnerships.