Accepting a relationship request on Facebook can be tricky if you don’t want certain people to know about your new relationship status. When you accept someone’s friend request or change your relationship status, it usually shows up in the News Feed for all your friends to see. However, there are a few ways to be more discreet about accepting a relationship request on Facebook.
Why be discreet about your relationship status?
Here are some common reasons why people want to keep their relationship private on Facebook:
- You haven’t told your family about the relationship yet
- You are keeping it a secret from coworkers
- You don’t want your ex to find out
- You want to avoid gossip and questions from nosy friends
Whatever your reasons, you can take steps to accept a relationship request on Facebook without broadcasting it to everyone.
Change your relationship status without posting
The most straightforward way is to simply change your relationship status without making a public post about it. Here’s how:
- Go to your Facebook profile and click on your relationship status
- Select the new status from the dropdown menu (In a Relationship, Engaged, Married, etc.)
- Uncheck the box next to “Share on Facebook” so it doesn’t post about your new status
- Click Save Changes
This will update your relationship status privately without notifying all your friends. The change will only display on your profile page.
However, some things to keep in mind:
- Your new partner can still post about the relationship, making it public
- Friends might notice the change and ask you about it
- It doesn’t prevent your new status from showing up elsewhere, like in mutual friends’ profiles
So while this method keeps it off your main News Feed, it doesn’t guarantee total secrecy.
Restrict who can see your relationship status
For greater privacy, you can edit the audience for your relationship status so only certain people can see it.
- Go to your profile and click on your relationship status
- Click on the audience selector (typically set to Public)
- Choose Friends, Close Friends, or Custom to restrict visibility
- Select Save Changes
This way, you have full control over who can view your romantic relationship on Facebook. For example, you can exclude family members, coworkers, or acquaintances.
Drawbacks of restricting relationship visibility
The downside is that restricting the audience for your relationship status also hides it from your wider social network on Facebook. Some things to consider:
- Distant friends may feel hurt they can’t see it
- It can seem like you’re intentionally hiding your partner or relationship
- You’ll have to remember to change the audience if you eventually want to make it public
- Your partner probably wants to show off the relationship too
So weigh the pros and cons of limiting visibility against simply not posting about the change at all.
Adjust your privacy settings
Another option is to update your overall privacy settings on Facebook:
- Go to Settings & Privacy
- Click on Privacy Settings
- Under Your Activity, adjust who can see your future posts
- You can also manage the audience for things like tags and partner updates here
This gives you blanket control over who can view relationship changes and posts going forward. But it still doesn’t stop your new partner from making announcements.
Turn off relationship status completely
If you want to be super discreet, you can hide your relationship status entirely:
- Go to your profile and click on your relationship status
- Select No One from the audience selector
- Save changes
This will remove your relationship status from Facebook altogether. The downsides are:
- You lose the ability to publicly showcase your relationship on Facebook
- Your partner may not want their status hidden either
- Some people may find it strange for your status to be totally removed
But if total privacy is your top concern, this option ensures that no romantic details are visible on your profile at all.
Limit notifications when accepting a relationship request
When you accept someone’s relationship request on Facebook, it can post an announcement by default. Here’s how to prevent that:
- Go to your pending relationship requests
- Click Accept on the request
- Immediately click on the down arrow that appears
- Select Don’t Post to avoid a public notification
This stops an acceptance announcement from being posted. However, remember that your new partner can still post something about the change.
Other tips for low-key relationship requests
Here are some other ways to keep relationship requests more private:
- Disable tag review so you’re not automatically tagged in any posts by your new partner
- Keep your friend list trimmed down so new romantic details are less likely to spread
- Browse profiles on private/incognito mode so your activity isn’t tracked
- Ignore the request and directly update your status instead so there’s no notification
Basically, the more proactive you are about limiting visibility ahead of time, the more control you’ll have over who knows what.
Beware of places your new status may appear
Even if you don’t post or announce your new relationship, it can pop up in other areas of Facebook:
- In your mutual friends’ profiles and news feeds
- When tagged by your partner in posts, pictures, or locations
- On Messenger chat profiles
- In Stories or notifications
- Through timeline reviews and “On This Day” memories
- Via military affiliation or workplace pages if listed
Monitor these other locations diligently if you really want your romantic status kept quiet on Facebook.
Example locations where relationship status shows up
| Location | Where relationship status appears |
|---|---|
| Mutual friend’s profile | In the relationship section if you’re listed as a friend |
| Partner’s profile | Shown as their relationship status with you |
| Messenger | Next to your name in group chats |
| Memories | In reviews of historical posts and life events |
So even if you keep your new relationship status private, you’ll want to scan where else it could appear.
Tell your partner to be discreet
A key aspect of keeping your relationship quiet on Facebook is getting your partner to cooperate with your preferences:
- Ask them not to post, check-in, or tag you in romantic declarations
- Agree to keep statuses private or your profiles unlinkable
- Remind them you haven’t informed certain people yet
- Suggest alternative ways for them to discretely express affection
Essentially, you need their help staying off of timelines and news feeds if total secrecy is the goal. That may require some compromise on both ends.
Ways for your partner to be discreet on Facebook
| Strategy | Example |
|---|---|
| Keep posts vague | “Lunch date with a special someone!” |
| Limit tagging | Only use nicknames or no tags |
| Increase privacy | Make romantic posts visible to only close friends |
| Use other platforms | Be affectionate over text, Instagram, Snapchat instead |
It requires effort from both parties to keep a relationship discreet on Facebook but clear communication can help.
Beware of Facebook’s algorithms
Keep in mind that Facebook’s algorithms are designed to identify connections and serve relevant content. This makes keeping things private trickier.
How Facebook’s algorithms work against you
- Analyzes your profiles and activity to detect you’re in a relationship
- Links you and your partner across posts you’re both tagged in
- Suggests your new partner to your friends
- Uses info like locations and events to determine you’re a couple
- Identifies romantic content to show your new relationship to more people
Basically, Facebook is constantly mining data points to learn more about you – including who you’re dating.
Outsmarting Facebook’s algorithms
While you can’t completely stop its algorithms, you can avoid feeding it obvious signals:
- Don’t sync your relationship status across any platforms
- Avoid frequent public tagging, posts, and picture uploads as a couple
- Untag yourself from your partner’s romantic posts
- Temporarily unlink your Instagram and Messenger accounts from Facebook
The less couple-focused content you each post, the less likely Facebook can piece together your new relationship.
Beware of facial recognition
Facebook’s facial recognition capabilities also make it harder to fly under the radar. When your face is tagged, Facebook learns to recognize you across all photos and posts.
How facial recognition detects relationships
- Scans photos where you appear with your partner
- Uses facial cues like proximity and body language to determine if romantic
- Trains AI over time to recognize you’re a couple based on multiple photos
- Can suggest tagging your partner’s face automatically if already recognizes them
- May prompt friends to tag you if they upload couple pictures
This automated technology makes it tough to untag yourself from couple selfies quickly enough.
Avoiding facial recognition
To help avoid facial recognition tech:
- Frequently untag yourself from your partner’s pictures
- Refuse face tagging requests from friends who post pictures with your partner
- Cover your face or stand farther apart in couple photos
- Turn off the face recognition setting under Facebook’s Privacy settings
However, faced detection is difficult to thwart completely since it evolves constantly.
Utilize separate friend lists
The Friends List feature allows you to segment who can view certain posts. This can be handy for preventing relationship updates from showing up for particular circles:
Ways to use friend lists discreetly
- Create lists like Close Friends, Family, Acquaintances, etc.
- Share relationship posts only to certain friend lists
- Omit new partner’s friends and family from posts about your relationship status
- Avoid accepting roommate or coworkers to sensitive friend lists
- Regularly update lists as needed to control visibility
Friend lists take more work to maintain but give you robust control over who sees relationship changes.
Pros and cons of friend lists for privacy
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Selective posting to different groups | Time-consuming to update lists |
| Can strategically exclude certain friends | People may be offended if excluded |
| More granular than Close Friends | You may forget to check all lists |
| Full control over who sees what | Partner may not want to comply |
If used properly, Friend Lists let you quietly accept a relationship request and control its visibility. But frequent monitoring is required.
Limit visibility of past posts
Your previous posts, photos, check-ins, and statuses can also reveal a new relationship. Be sure to limit their visibility too.
Ways to reduce visibility of past romantic posts
- Review and delete any mushy old posts from when you first met
- Unlike couple pictures or go untag yourself in them
- Change the audience of previous posts to Friends instead of Public
- Be extra cautious about Romance, Travel, and With Partner tags
- Browse old posts as if you’re a friend looking for clues
Scrubbing your past Facebook presence minimizes relationship evidence. But it can be tedious and your partner’s posts could still show up places.
Tools to manage past post visibility
Some tools that can help control visibility of your Facebook history:
| Tool | How It Helps |
|---|---|
| News Feed Eradicator | Helps delete or hide old posts in bulk |
| Social Book Post Manager | Lets you edit the privacy of previous posts |
| FB Purity browser extension | Allows blocking posts by keywords or tags |
While tedious, regularly reviewing and limiting access to your past posts is key for discretion.
Leverage private chat instead
For maximum secrecy, have sensitive relationship conversations using Facebook’s private messaging features instead.
Ways to privately chat on Facebook
- Video call on Messenger so it’s not recorded
- Send direct texts to each other’s inbox
- Use Secret Conversations which auto-delete
- Turn on chat encryption for calls and messages
- Discuss details over Facebook Dating if connected there
Private communication reduces chances of others finding hints through posts, comments, and tags.
Downsides of relying on chat
Some drawbacks to be aware of:
- Secrets kept just through chat can still feel hidden
- Important relationship milestones stay undocumented
- You miss out on social recognition of your partner
- Hard to remember who knows what if done through multiple apps
Exclusively private communication prevents public issues but can feel restrictive. Find a balance that suits you both.
Conclusion
There are many techniques you can use to discreetly accept a Facebook relationship request without broadcasting it to everyone. Key strategies include limiting visibility of your status change, coordinating discretion with your partner, restricting past posts, using private chat channels, and leveraging friend lists. However, complete secrecy on social media is extremely difficult with partners, friends, algorithms, and facial recognition exposing clues. Honest conversations with your new partner about boundaries and mutual willingness to keep private things private is essential. With the right precautions and selective sharing, you can quietly change your Facebook status and enjoy your new relationship – even if it seems impossible to keep totally under wraps.