Online dating has become increasingly popular over the last decade. According to a 2019 survey, 30% of US adults say they have used a dating site or app. With so many singles turning to apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge to find potential partners, navigating these platforms effectively has become an important skill.
Choosing the Right Dating App
With dozens of dating apps to choose from, finding the right one for your needs can be daunting. Here are some tips for selecting an app:
- Know what you want. Are you looking for something casual or a serious relationship? Apps like Tinder are known for hookups while others like eHarmony focus on long-term compatibility.
- Consider your demographic. Certain apps attract different crowds. For example, Bumble tends to have more female users while Grindr is aimed at the LGBTQ community.
- Read reviews. Checking app store reviews can give insight into pros/cons of different platforms from actual users.
- Try free versions first. Most apps offer free versions so you can test them out before committing.
Pay attention to factors like membership cost, ease of navigation, communication features, and overall vibe to find the right dating app for you.
Crafting an Engaging Profile
Your dating profile is your first impression, so it’s important to get it right. Follow these tips for profile success:
- Photos: Post recent, unfiltered photos that clearly show your face/body type. Include a variety of shots (headshot, full body, with friends, activity shots).
- Bio: Share interests, what you’re looking for, a bit of humor/personality. Be authentic without oversharing.
- Prompts: Take time to provide thoughtful responses to profile prompts/questions.
- Link social media: Linking to Instagram or Spotify can give matches a broader view of your life/interests.
Tailor your profile to the vibe of the app, and show your personality to attract the right matches.
Making the First Move
So you’ve matched with someone promising – now what? Here are some dos and don’ts for making the first move:
DO:
- Personalize your message. Comment on something specific in their profile instead of just saying “hey.”
- Keep it light. Aim for friendly over formal.
- Ask engaging questions. “How was your weekend?” gives them something to respond to.
- Compliment them. But keep it classy and sincere.
- Be patient. Give them time to respond before unmatching.
DON’T:
- Open with anything overtly sexual/suggestive.
- Seem desperate. Don’t double text without a reply.
- Get too intense. Terms of endearment should wait.
- Use pet names. Don’t call a stranger “baby” or “sweetie.”
- Make assumptions. Don’t presume they’re available or interested.
The goal is to strike up an engaging back-and-forth. Remember, a little goes a long way at this initial stage.
Moving the Conversation Off the App
Once you’ve been chatting in-app for a while, it’s time to take things offline. Here are some tips:
- After 5-10 messages, suggest meeting for a drink or coffee. Avoid dinner for a first date.
- Move the conversation to texting. Trading phone numbers feels more personal.
- Don’t get stuck in endless messaging. Meeting IRL is the only way to really gauge chemistry.
- Suggest a specific day, time, and place to meet. Don’t just vaguely propose “getting together sometime.”
- Confirm the date the day before. Send a quick “Still on for tomorrow?” text.
The sooner you can transition the conversation to offline, the better. Chatting endlessly online builds unrealistic expectations.
Meeting for the First Time
Ready for the big first date? Here are tips to make sure it goes smoothly:
- Dress nicely – Make an effort with your appearance and hygiene.
- Be on time – Nothing ruins a first impression like tardiness.
- Put phones away – Give your date your full attention.
- Have questions ready – Prepare some topics to chat about in case conversation lulls.
- Watch drinking – Moderation is key, especially if driving.
- Offer to pay – At least reach for your wallet and suggest splitting.
- Keep it short – Limit first dates to an hour or two.
- Follow up after – Send a thank-you text or call the next day.
Most importantly, relax and have fun! Don’t put too much pressure on what’s essentially a low-stakes get-to-know-you session.
Turning a First Date into a Second
Assuming you hit it off on the first date, you’ll want to secure that second meeting. Here’s how:
- Suggest specific plans vs. vague ones. For example, invite them to a concert or art show rather than just “getting together again.”
- Bring up something they mentioned enjoying – this shows you were listening and makes the invitation more enticing.
- Follow up within 2-3 days. Don’t wait too long and risk momentum fading.
- Avoid game playing. Don’t make them sweat it out wondering if you’ll ask.
- Gauge their reaction. If they seem hesitant, they may not be feeling it.
Show you’re interested in getting to know them better, but avoid being overly pushy or demanding about Round 2.
Troubleshooting Common Issues
Dating apps don’t always lead to romance and success. Here are some solutions to frequent frustrations:
Not getting matches:
- Refresh your profile – change up photos, bio details, etc.
- Widen your filters – you may be limiting options too severely.
- Take a break – pace yourself to avoid burnout.
Conversation is stalling:
- Add some humor/banter.
- Change topics – pivot to something more interesting.
- Ask engaging questions – move beyond small talk.
- Suggest meeting – offline chemistry is harder to gauge.
Too many options to choose from:
- Focus on quality over quantity when swiping.
- Go on first dates before making judgments.
- Don’t spread yourself too thin by juggling multiple matches.
- Remember, you’re assessing relationship potential, not shopping.
With a mix of persistence, boundaries, and open-mindedness, you can work through the common obstacles of app dating.
Safety First: Protecting Your Privacy
While dating apps open up exciting connection opportunities, it’s crucial to keep safety top of mind. Follow these best practices:
- Don’t include your last name, employer, or address.
- Conduct image searches to verify profiles.
- Use burner phone numbers from services like Google Voice.
- Drive yourself to and from first dates.
- Meet in public places and let a friend know the details.
- Don’t rush private information like financial or family details.
Guarding your privacy doesn’t mean assuming the worst of people. But exercising reasonable caution can help mitigate risks.
Deciding When to Deactivate
So you’ve met someone special and want to focus your energy there. When is the right time to deactivate your dating profiles?
- When you’ve agreed to date exclusively.
- Before you change your relationship status to “In a Relationship.”
- When you’ve both deleted your apps in front of each other.
- When you’re spending most weekends together consistently.
- When you’ve met each other’s friends and maybe family.
Every couple moves at a different pace, but once things feel committed and consistent, it’s time to focus your romantic energies offline. Resist temptation to keep one foot still dabbling in the apps.
Knowing When to Unmatch
Not every match is destined to work out. Here are some signs it’s time to unmatch and move on:
- You have fundamental differences in values/lifestyles.
- Their messaging puts minimal effort into engaging you.
- Weeks go by without attempts to meet offline.
- Your date schedules are incompatible.
- You experience uncomfortable emotions like dread, boredom, or annoyance.
Don’t waste time trying to force a connection that clearly isn’t clicking. Wish them well and redirect your efforts towards more promising matches.
Staying Hopeful Through the Ups and Downs
The rollercoaster of successes and frustrations that comes with app dating can be exhausting. Here are some ways to stay positive through it all:
- Focus on learning and having new experiences vs. just finding “the one.”
- Don’t take rejections personally – it’s often just an incompatibility issue.
- Find balance between being selective and keeping an open mind.
- Manage expectations – view apps as one option, not your only prospect for love.
- Take occasional breaks to avoid burnout.
Remember, the right connections take time, even in an era of endless swiping. With the right mindset, patience, and boundaries, dating apps can lead to something great when you least expect it.
Conclusion
Dating apps require some skill and finesse to navigate, but can vastly expand your romantic possibilities beyond just relying on friends, family, coworkers, and chance encounters to meet potential partners. Following the tips above will help you create an engaging profile, communicate effectively, troubleshoot issues, and maintain proper etiquette and safety precautions. With realistic expectations and the right mix of optimism and selectivity, swiping apps can help you find meaningful connections, exciting flings, and maybe even lasting love.