Facebook Dating is a relatively new feature on Facebook that allows users to express romantic interest in people they already know on Facebook and Instagram. One of the unique aspects of Facebook Dating is the ability to select up to 9 “secret crushes” from your friends list or Instagram followers. This allows you to secretly express interest in someone without them being notified unless they have also added you to their secret crush list.
What are secret crushes?
Secret crushes are people that you secretly admire or have romantic feelings for within your Facebook friends or Instagram followers. You can select up to 9 people as your secret crushes. This is done privately so the people you select will not be notified or shown that you have a crush on them. The only way they can tell is if they have also added you to their secret crush list, in which case Facebook will notify both of you that you are mutually interested in each other.
How to add someone to your secret crush list
To add someone to your secret crush list:
- Open the Facebook Dating tab
- Tap “Secret Crush”
- Search for the name of the person you want to add from your friends list or Instagram followers
- Tap “Add to Secret Crush” next to their name
You can add up to 9 secret crushes at one time. You can edit or remove people from your secret crush list at any time as well.
Who can you add as a secret crush?
You can only add someone to your secret crush list if they meet the following criteria:
- They are 18 years or older
- They are either already your Facebook friend or one of your Instagram followers
- They have an active Facebook Dating profile
If someone does not meet these criteria, they will not show up as an option to add to your secret crush list. Keep in mind you can only add people who are your existing Facebook friends or Instagram followers. You cannot add someone you don’t already know through Facebook or Instagram.
What happens when you are someone’s secret crush?
If someone adds you to their secret crush list, you will not be notified directly. The only way you can tell is if you have also added that person to your own secret crush list. If you have mutually added each other, Facebook will notify both of you of the match.
Getting notified of a mutual secret crush
When you and another person secretly add each other to your crush lists, Facebook will send each of you an alert letting you know of the mutual crush. The notification will include the other person’s name and profile picture, but it will not say when they were added to your secret crush list.
If you do not want to match with the person, you can remove them from your secret crush list. This prevents a match from occurring. But if you are interested, you can start a conversation with them through Facebook Dating’s messaging platform. The other person will not know that you originally found each other through secret crushes unless you tell them.
One-sided secret crushes
If someone adds you as their secret crush but you did not add them as well, you will not be notified. You will have no indication that they have a crush on you. One-sided secret crushes will remain private unless both people add each other.
Pros of secret crushes
Secret crushes can be a low-pressure way to express romantic interest in someone you already know online. Some pros include:
- Allows you to put yourself out there without fear of rejection
- Prevents any awkwardness if the feelings are one-sided
- Gives you both a mutual starting point if a match occurs
- Helps you find potential matches within your existing social circles
For people who are shy or hesitant about expressing their feelings directly, having a secret crush feature makes it easier to manifest romantic interest digitally.
Cons of secret crushes
However, there are also some downsides to the secret crush feature:
- One-sided crushes may never be revealed
- The other person will be notified if it’s mutual, which could be unexpected or unwelcome
- It can create awkwardness if you match with a friend you did not intend to
- May give false hope if you have a crush on someone unavailable or not interested in you
Overall, the secret crush feature should be used strategically and with reasonable expectations. It likely works best if you have some indication the other person may also be interested in you beyond just wishful thinking.
How to see your secret crushes
You can review the list of people you’ve added to your secret crushes at any time. To view your list:
- Go to the Facebook Dating tab
- Tap on the “Secret Crush” option
This will show you the list of all users you’ve added as secret crushes. You can remove people at any time by tapping the “X” icon next to their name.
Limit of 9 secret crushes
Facebook only allows you to add up to 9 secret crushes at one time. If you already have 9 selected, you will need to remove someone before being able to add a new crush. This limit of 9 helps keep things focused on crushes you are most interested in.
Secret crush notifications
When you match with a mutual secret crush, Facebook will notify you through:
- A pop-up alert
- A message icon on the Facebook Dating tab
- A notification badge on the main Facebook app icon
Tapping on the notification will direct you to the Facebook Dating message thread you can use to start chatting with your mutual crush match.
Turning off notifications
If you want to turn off notifications about new secret crush matches, you can adjust your notification settings:
- Go to the Menu icon in Facebook Dating
- Tap “Notifications”
- Toggle off the option for “New matches”
This will prevent secret crush match notifications, but you can still manually check the Dating tab for any updates.
Unmatching from a secret crush
If you get matched with someone through secret crushes that you don’t actually want to connect with, you can unmatch them easily:
- Go to your messages in Facebook Dating
- In the chat with their name, tap the three dots menu icon
- Select “Unmatch”
This will remove the match and conversation, so you will no longer be connected through Facebook Dating.
However, unmatching does not prevent you from being matched again if you are re-added to their secret crush list. To prevent re-matching, you would have to remove them from your secret crush list as well.
Secret crush privacy
Facebook keeps your secret crushes private so that no one can tell who you’ve added:
- Your secret crush list is not visible to anyone else
- Others will not be notified when you add or remove them
- No posts or activity about your secret crushes will appear on your Facebook wall or feed
The one exception is if you mutually add each other, in which case the match will be revealed. But the details around who added who first and when will not be disclosed.
Cannot create fake or non-consensual secret crushes
Facebook has measures in place to prevent abusing the secret crush feature:
- You cannot add someone who is not already your Facebook friend or Instagram follower
- You cannot create fake profiles just to secretly crush on them
- Notifications will only be sent if the crush is mutual
These limitations help prevent non-consensual or harassing secret crush scenarios. The feature was designed for legitimately expressing interest in people you already know and who know you.
Secret crush strategy tips
Here are some tips for using secret crushes effectively:
- Add crushes who you think might be interested in you back
- Avoid adding too many joke or unrealistic crushes
- Be selective and focus on 1-3 serious crushes
- Remove former crushes who you are no longer interested in
- Don’t take it too seriously if matches don’t happen
The secret crush feature works best when used purposefully on genuine crushes, rather than adding every small crush you have simply because you can. Be thoughtful in who you add and review your list periodically to keep it current.
Shoot your shot selectively
Secret crushes work best if you are selective in who you add and strategic in hoping to make an existing connection more romantic. Adding co-workers or distant acquaintances who you have no existing flirtation with likely won’t lead anywhere. Focus on those already in your social circle who you may have some chemistry with.
Alternative crush confession strategies
If you are hoping to start a romance with a friend but don’t want to use the secret crush feature, you have a few other options:
Tell them directly
The most straightforward approach is telling them openly how you feel, asking if they feel the same way. This requires bravery and direct communication, but can lead to clarity.
Ask them on a date
Suggest going on a one-on-one date and gauge their reaction. This allows you to confess your feelings through actions rather than words.
Get closer as friends first
Build a deeper friendship and get to know each other better before sharing any confession. Stronger emotional bonds may make them more open to romance.
Flirt more openly
Increase romantic gestures and flirty interactions. See if they reciprocate interest through body language and conversational tones.
Confess through a letter
Write out your feelings in a letter. This allows you to communicate fully while giving them space to process it all.
Ultimately, direct openness and honesty in whatever form you feel comfortable with is the best policy for turning a crush into a mutual romance.
Pros and cons compared to telling them openly
Secret crushes have some advantages and disadvantages compared to confessing your feelings openly to your crush:
| Secret Crush | Open Confession |
|---|---|
Pros:
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Pros:
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Cons:
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Cons:
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There are pros and cons to each approach. Secret crushes work best for expressing interest in a lower-stakes way when you are unsure if it is mutual. But direct open confession can lead to more clarity and certainty, despite the greater vulnerability.
Conclusion
Facebook’s secret crush feature allows subtle expression of romantic interest in your existing friends and followers. It prevents awkwardness from one-sided crushes, notifying users only when the interest is mutual. However, secret crushes are not direct communication and may never be revealed if unreciprocated. Users should be selective in using secret crushes on those they have a reasonable chance with romantically. While secret crushes carry less risk than openly confessing feelings, the greater vulnerability of being direct can lead to clearer answers and outcomes in starting potential relationships.