When you change your relationship status on Facebook, the social network does not automatically notify the other person in the relationship about the change. However, there are some indirect ways the other person may find out about a relationship status change on Facebook:
Seeing it in their News Feed or profile
If the other person has you added as a friend on Facebook, they may see your new relationship status posted in their News Feed. Additionally, they may visit your profile and notice your updated relationship status. So while Facebook does not directly inform them, they can still discover the change organically through the platform.
Being tagged in a status update
If you announce the breakup in a status update and tag the other person, they will be notified of the post and see your new “single” status. Some vindictive exes have been known to publicly post breakup announcements and tag their former partner to make sure they see it.
Mutual friends reacting to the change
Friends who are connected to both people in the relationship may see the status change and reach out to the other party asking if they are aware of it. So the news could travel indirectly through mutual connections.
Using another messaging platform
You may message the other person through text, email, or another app saying you changed the status. Or they may text you asking if you changed it after hearing about it from someone else. So direct communication could also notify them.
When is your ex notified if you change your relationship status?
Facebook does not send any kind of automatic notification to your ex when you change your relationship status after a breakup. The only way they would know is if they still have access to your profile or learn about the update from a mutual connection. Here are some scenarios when your ex may become aware that you changed it:
If you remain Facebook friends
If you stay connected on Facebook after the breakup, your ex would be able to see your new dating profile and relationship status updates in their feed like any other friend. This allows them to passively keep tabs on you.
If you have mutual friends on Facebook
Mutual friends may spot your new relationship status and decide to share the news with your ex, either out of curiosity or an attempt at gossip. Some may even screenshot your new profile and send it to your ex.
If you publicly announce the breakup
Posting an overt breakup message and tagging your ex essentially forces them to see your updated relationship status. This aggressive notification approach is generally ill-advised but does ensure they find out.
If you tell them yourself
You may decide to directly tell your ex over text, phone call, or in person that you changed your Facebook status. This proactive communication removes any question about whether they’ve been notified.
Should you notify your ex when you change your relationship status?
There is no obligation to notify your ex when you change your relationship status on Facebook. Here are some factors to consider about whether actively informing them is appropriate:
How serious was the relationship?
If you were together for years, lived together, or were engaged, letting them know directly could be respectful. But for more casual relationships, updating them is less expected.
How did the breakup happen?
If the split was amicable and you intend to remain friendly, advising them about your status change maintains open communication. But if the breakup was bitter, reaching out could lead to tension.
Are you connected on Facebook?
If you are still Facebook friends, they will likely passively find out anyway so no need to go out of your way. But if unconnected, a courtesy notification may be prudent if you parted on decent terms.
How would they react?
Consider your ex’s maturity level and personality. If they tend to overreact, telling them could prompt unnecessary drama. Assess whether ignorance may be bliss in your situation.
Are you declaring a new relationship?
If you are announcing a new relationship, particularly with someone your ex knows, giving them a heads up helps avoid catching them off guard if tensions still exist.
How to notify your ex you changed your relationship status
If you decide it is wise or considerate to clue your ex in on your updated relationship status, here are a few methods to notify them:
Text message
A simple text stating “Just wanted to let you know that I changed my relationship status on Facebook to [new status]” suffices. This gives them a tactful heads up.
Mutual friend
You could ask a mutual friend you both trust to inform your ex so the news comes from someone familiar. This may cushion the blow.
Phone call
If you ended on very good terms, a cordial phone call explaining your status change could be thoughtful. Just take care to avoid sounding boastful.
In person
If you run into your ex regularly in shared social settings, mentioning your updated status in a mature, discrete way during conversation can work.
Sending a polite email allows you to explain the circumstances more fully. But only use this method if email communication remains active post-breakup.
Pros of notifying your ex about a relationship status change
Here are some potential benefits of directly informing your ex that you changed your relationship status on Facebook:
Prevents shock if relationship overlap occurs
Telling your ex about a new relationship prevents them from learning about it abruptly on their own, which could be hurtful.
Limits public embarrassment
Proactively looping in your ex avoids any awkwardness of them finding out from posts seen by all mutual connections.
Can provide relationship closure
The news signifies moving on, which can give both parties necessary closure after a breakup.
Demonstrates maturity
Handled gracefully, notifying them exhibits emotional maturity and thoughtfulness. This maintains dignity.
Allows adjusting to privacy settings
Informing your ex gives them a chance to update their own privacy settings and prep themselves emotionally.
Cons of notifying your ex about a relationship status change
Here are some potential drawbacks of proactively informing your ex that you updated your relationship status:
Could reopen old wounds
Your ex may react badly and accuse you of purposely trying to hurt them. This can stir up old feelings.
Introduces potential drama
Even if your ex takes it well initially, the news could eventually fuel resentment and provoke feuding.
Breaks post-breakup silence
If you have not been in contact, reaching out to announce a new relationship keeps you entangled and stalls moving on.
Allows excessive interest in your life
Telling your ex your personal business enables them to pry into your new dating life and relationships.
Can imply you owe them an explanation
Some exes may feel entitled to justifications from you about your romantic life after the relationship ends.
How to change your relationship status discreetly
If you wish to change your relationship status on Facebook without notifying your ex directly or attracting excessive attention, here are some tips:
Utilize privacy settings
Use Facebook’s custom privacy controls to limit who sees your posts and profile info, excluding your ex if connected.
Announce it subtly
Skip the flashy relationship status declaration. Simply update it without a public proclamation.
Temporarily deactivate your account
You can take a break from Facebook around the time of the update to avoid it being seen widely.
Adjust visibility of past posts
Go back and limit old posts tied to your prior relationship so only certain people see them.
Avoid tagging new partner right away
Adding your new significant other to status updates or photos makes the change very obvious.
Mistakes to avoid when updating relationship status after a breakup
Changing your relationship status after a difficult breakup can be tricky. Avoid these potential mistakes if possible:
Venting negatively about ex
Using the status change to bash your ex or air grievances comes across as immature and dramatic.
Making the announcement too soon
Updating very quickly after the breakup may appear insensitive if the wounds are still fresh.
Not giving ex a courtesy heads up
If they are likely to find out anyway, a thoughtful Messenger message prevents shocking them.
Excessive PDA with new partner
Over-the-top gushing or romantic captions can seem like a pointed jab at your ex. Keep it tasteful.
Posting before informing your children
If you share kids with an ex, they should hear any big relationship updates from you first.
How to cope if your ex changes their relationship status
Seeing an ex move on by changing their relationship status on Facebook can be upsetting. Here are some healthy ways to process the news:
Take a social media break
Temporarily deleting or deactivating accounts helps create emotional distance from the situation.
Remember it’s not a reflection on you
Your ex’s decision to date again is about their needs, not yours. Avoid internalizing it.
Spend time with supportive friends
Lean on close friends who build you up and provide reality checks about the status change.
Express your feelings productively
Healthy outlets like exercise, writing in a journal, or therapy can help work through the emotions.
Use it as motivation for your own growth
Redirect any jealousy or hurt into becoming your best self by picking up new hobbies, skills, or activities.
Should you change your relationship status if you are just dating someone?
If you have recently started seeing someone, it may be unclear whether you should update your relationship status yet on Facebook. Here are some factors to consider:
How long you’ve been dating
As a general rule, less than a month may be too soon for any public declaration about exclusivity or status.
Whether you’ve had the status talk
Ideally, you and the new person have agreed how to characterize your relationship before announcing it.
How often you see each other
If it’s only casual dates sporadically, labeling it via status may be premature and send the wrong signal.
Whether they have met your friends/family
Integrating them into your life before making it “Facebook official” helps validate it’s a real bond.
If your privacy settings are tight
If your profile and posts are only visible to close connections, it’s lower risk.
Conclusion
Changing your relationship status on Facebook does not send any automatic notification to the other party involved. However, your ex or former partner may still learn of the update indirectly if you have mutual friends or remain social media connections. Notifying an ex requires careful consideration of factors like how serious the prior relationship was, whether tensions exist, and the potential for causing hurt. With maturity and discretion, updating your status can signify healthy moving forward. But when done recklessly, it can stir drama and prolong emotional ties. Adjust privacy settings and post tactfully to avoid unwanted attention. Most importantly, focus on your real-world connections and feelings, not virtual representations of relationships.