With social media being such a big part of life these days, it’s common to accumulate a lot of friends and followers on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. While connecting with lots of people can be fun and exciting, there may come a time when you realize you need to “unfriend” someone. But doing so can feel awkward if it’s someone you know in real life. So is it possible to remove someone from your social media without them finding out?
Should you unfriend someone secretly?
Before getting into the specifics of how to unfriend subtly, it’s worth considering if that’s the right approach. Some people argue you should be upfront and honest if you want to unfriend someone, rather than doing it sneakily behind their back. Here are some pros and cons to weigh up:
Pros:
- Avoids an uncomfortable confrontation or awkward questions from the person being unfriended
- Lets you curate your social media connections without impacting real world relationships
- The unfriended person may not even notice, so it causes little fuss
Cons:
- Could be seen as cowardly or rude to unfriend secretly
- The person may still notice they’ve been unfriended, and feel hurt
- Doesn’t address any underlying issues in your relationship
There are good arguments on both sides. Ultimately it’s a personal choice depending on your specific circumstances. The tips below aim to help you unfriend subtly if you decide that’s the right approach for you.
Unfriending someone on Facebook
Facebook makes it relatively easy to unfriend someone without them explicitly being notified about it. Here are some tips:
- Unfollow them first – this stops their posts appearing in your News Feed. They won’t know you’ve done this.
- Consider adding them to your Restricted list. This limits what they see from your profile.
- Go to their profile page and select Friends > Unfriend. This removes them from your friends list.
- Delete any comments you’ve made on their posts – this helps remove evidence of your prior connection.
- If necessary, block them to prevent them seeing your profile or posts.
The key thing is they won’t get a notification about you unfriending them. The only way they’d know is if they look at your profile and notice you’re no longer listed as a friend. Even then, they may not be sure if they unfriended you or vice versa.
Will unfriended Facebook friends get notified?
No, unfriending someone on Facebook does not send them a notification. The only way they can tell is by viewing your profile and seeing they are no longer linked as a friend.
In the past, Facebook used to send an email alert when you were unfriended by someone. But they removed this feature several years ago. Now the process is subtle and invisible to the person being unfriended.
What does it look like when you unfriend on Facebook?
From your perspective, once you unfriend someone on Facebook they simply disappear from your friends list and can no longer see the content you post. It’s as if they were never friends with you to begin with.
If you go onto their profile after unfriending, it will show an Add Friend button rather than any friend-related info. The relationship has been completely severed from your end.
Can you tell if someone unfriends you on Facebook?
As mentioned above, Facebook doesn’t directly notify you if someone unfriends you. However, you can figure it out by taking the following steps:
- Go to the profile page of the person you suspect unfriended you
- Look for friend-related info like a shared friend count. If this is missing, they likely unfriended you.
- See if there’s an Add Friend button. This definitely means you are no longer connected.
- Check your Friends list and see if they still show up. If not, you were unfriended.
Using these steps, you can sleuth out whether someone has unfriended you. Unless you have many mutual friends, they may be able to remove you without arousing suspicion.
Unfriending on Instagram
Here are some tips for unfriending someone on Instagram subtly:
- First, unfollow them so you no longer see their posts.
- Remove any likes/comments you have made on their photos.
- Mute their stories so you no longer see their activity.
- Go to their profile and tap Following > Unfollow to unfriend.
- Delete any photos you are both tagged in for a “clean break”.
Instagram doesn’t notify someone when you unfollow or unfriend them. As with Facebook, the only way they can tell is by checking your profile and noticing the missing Follow button.
How can you tell if someone unfollowed you on Instagram?
There are a few ways to check if someone has unfollowed you on Instagram:
- Use a third party app like FollowMeter to track your follower count over time.
- Manually check your followers list to see if they still appear.
- Visit their profile to see if it still says Following under their bio.
Unless you have a very small follower count, it can be tricky to notice if someone specific has unfollowed you. But using one of the above methods can confirm whether someone has silently unfriended you.
Unfriending on Snapchat
Snapchat also allows you to unfriend without any notification. Here’s how to do it:
- Tap the ghost icon in the top left and go to My Friends.
- Tap on the name of the friend you want to unfriend.
- Tap the gear icon in the top right of their profile.
- Select Unfriend to remove them.
The person won’t be notified or given any indication that you unfriended them. To completely erase your connection, also make sure to delete any saved chats or snaps you have from that friend.
Can you tell if you were unfriended on Snapchat?
There is no official way to tell if someone unfriends you on Snapchat, since they don’t send a notification. But here are some signs that may indicate you’ve been unfriended:
- Their Snapscore stops increasing
- They disappear from your Friends list
- Your chat with them disappears
- Their name no longer has a smiley emoji next to it
If you notice one or more of these changes, it likely means the person unfriended you. Unless you have a very small friends list, you may not even realize someone unfriended you.
Should you block them too?
In most cases, simply unfriending or unfollowing someone on social media is enough to remove them from your feed. But if it’s someone you want to prevent from viewing your profile at all, you may consider blocking them too. Here’s the difference:
Unfriending removes them as a connection on social media. They can no longer interact with your posts, but they can still view your profile (unless you have privacy settings activated).
Blocking goes a step further by preventing someone from being able to search for your profile or see any of your content at all. You essentially disappear from their view.
Some cases where you may want to block as well as unfriend:
- Ex-partners, to completely remove them from your online presence.
- Someone exhibiting harassing or toxic behavior.
- An unknown person who has spammed friend requests.
For most acquaintances, unfriending is sufficient. But blocking provides an extra level of privacy from those you actively don’t want accessing your social media profiles at all.
Other subtle unfriending tips
Here are some additional suggestions to discreetly remove someone from social media:
- Gradually interact with their content less over time rather than abruptly unfriending.
- Remove tags on any posts or photos you appear in together.
- Delete old posts where you may have interacted with the person.
- Avoid posting about events where you know that person will be.
- Mute their profile so you avoid the temptation to snoop.
Taking these steps helps distance yourself online from the person being unfriended. Combined with removing the actual social media connection, it can make the process feel more natural.
When is it better to be upfront?
Although subtly unfriending someone can reduce awkwardness in many cases, there are times when it may be better to be direct:
- If there was a specific incident that prompted it, discussing this openly can provide closure.
- For very close connections, ghosting them may feel inappropriate.
- If you’re unfriending multiple people associated with an ex, they may eventually find out anyway.
- Being honest preserves the moral high ground and lets you control the narrative.
As with many social situations, there are benefits to transparent communication even if it’s uncomfortable. If you genuinely care about the person, it may be worth having an honest conversation before discreetly unfriending them.
Can you re-friend someone after unfriending them?
It is possible to send a new friend request to someone you previously unfriended on social media. How it plays out depends on several factors:
- If you blocked them, you will first need to unblock them to send a new request.
- They will see a notification that you sent a friend request.
- They can choose to ignore the request if things ended badly between you.
- If they accept, you will be reconnected as friends again.
The advantage is you can always initiate reconnecting online, even if you digitally cut ties at some point. But be aware they may decline your request, or feel hurt that you unfriended them previously.
Should I tell someone I unfriended them?
In most cases, it’s best not to mention unfriending someone on social media. Bringing it up is likely to just create awkwardness. If they notice and ask you about it, you can honestly say you did some friend list “clean up”.
However, if it’s someone very close to you, it may be courteous to briefly explain why you felt it necessary. This prevents confusion and preserves the relationship, even if not online. Use your judgement based on the situation.
Conclusion
While unfriending or unfollowing someone on social media can feel nerve-wracking, in most cases you can do it subtly without the person being explicitly notified. This avoids uncomfortable confrontations about the state of your relationship.
That said, consider if transparency is better depending on your specific circumstances and how close you are to the person. Regularly pruning your social circles is healthy, but try to avoid deliberately hurting or ignoring people unnecessarily.
Do you have any other tips for discreetly removing social media connections? Let me know in the comments!